A slacking student

…It was my turn to show off. I had been practicing the routine countless time already. This time, I got to fix my previous failure. The audiences would cheer for me, and screaming my name out loud. Few minutes later, the music got started. The whole body of mine shook excitedly. It was about time…

Suddenly, everything was absorbed into the dark, while a strangely familiar sound appeared. I woke up.

When such a thing happened repeatedly, sometimes I wondered if I really liked the world in which I belonged. Anyway, I tried to move my tired body to turn off the annoying alarm clock five feet away. The only thing I wanted to do at that moment was to go back to my warm bed, and to continue my “show”. I tried so hard to get rid of that thought, and went to the bathroom. I didn’t want to miss the music class again. In fact, I was practicing a very important thing from the book I recently read. It was about endurance.

I opened the door of the dorm, and the freezing air just spread allover. I had no idea that the place could be much chillier than Montana. Gotta go anyway.

The music class was in the furthest building from my dorm. There were two people walking on the street, holding each other’s hand. “Oh my, when will I have someone like that beside me?” I wondered. Well, I shouldn’t have thought anything, just walked, walked, walked…

The air was increasingly freezing. I got nothing to cover my face, so the situation was really harsh. It immediately reminded me the last time I had gone sledding in Bozeman. It was sick that I had had to stand there being frozen passively forever. Just like this time, it was even colder. Suddenly I thought: “Why do I have to do all of this? Why do I have to be in the US in the first place? My friends in Vietnam can stay and enjoy the nice and warm weather...instead of suffering in the harshly cold one – like me…”

“Oh no, what am I thinking? I am supposed not to have such thoughts ever! I am protected by God! Yeah, that’s right! I am protected. My body is being protected. I can do this…”

I couldn’t feel my chin anymore. I tried touching it, just to feel as if I was touching someone else’s.

Argh! The wind was so strong. It blew to me just like I was touched by a combination of fire beam and countless needles. Oh no, it wasn’t cold. It was …hurt!

My shoulders couldn’t move easily anymore… They were hurt also…

Ha! My left head was hurt this time. Was “hurt” a level between “cold” and “frozen”? I didn’t know. Hopefully not.

Oh, there we go! The building was right there. Just open the door, get in, and I would be fine as usual.

I made it. Thank God!

…

The classroom was empty, and I collapsed. The music class was cancelled that day.

The naive English user

Language is one of the most important things for anyone, and also one of the hardest. That’s what I came up with after along time fighting with it.

Before I came to Petra, I had already been trying to pronounce like an American. I kept listen to what they said then try to say exactly the same way. After a period of time, I got better, and I supposed my speaking skill was closer to American than any other Vietnamese I had ever met.

Then I came to the US, to Petra. Not many people could understand what I said, and I had to face the fact that my voice was really different than what I heard from myself. Despite the previous useless effort, I got to do things over again. The extremely intense year in Petra did improve my English, not only my speaking but also my writing and listening skills faster than I could ever get. And so, I came back to Vietnam in joy and gladness.

However, when we stop we are left behind. The following months in college were busy, yet in different way than before. Believing that I got my proper English, I focused on other things. Then Bozeman once again showed me that thought was wrong, totally wrong. The more happiness I had when I became the best student in my public speaking class, the greater disappointment I got when I saw my real English level. The climax was the moment when Holden told me that my English was just the same, and I even lost some gestures which I used to have. It was a much more powerful strike to me than any physical punch I could possibly take. I once again had to face the fact that my English turned worse only.

Therefore, I have to try again – exactly the way I did to survive in Petra. This time it’s only me myself, fighting to survive through the text books to any other kind of junk I can get. The next time I return, I will surely get better, though the improvement may be too small for you to see. I will get better.

ARK

(This entry was originally for the last Thanksgiving. Since I now have different blogs, it'd be more appropriate to move it here.)

“Make yourself an ark of gopher wood. Make rooms in the ark, and cover it inside and out with pitch.” – Genesis 6:14 (ESV)

…

Since I have been reading books, mangas, and watching movies a lot these days, my worldview did increase and get changed dramatically. The annoying thing was: because of that, the Truth became confusing and my Faith came out to be faded a bit.

The more I thought about it, the more amazing it was- that I watched the movie “Evan Almighty”.

The movie was about a man named Evan Baxter. In the night he became a new congress man, he prayed to God, that He would help him to “change the world”. The surprising thing was that God did come to him, and told him to build “an ark”. To follow God’s Word, Evan had to give up his politic career and many things else…

It was just a funny movie, but there shouldn’t be a lot of Christian movies may surpass it. I was stunned with all the ideas conveyed in it.

I admire Evan so much. He decided to pray God in the first place, and he prayed sincerely. Immediately I felt the big shame of myself. Though I have been praying everyday, none of them could be that sincere, and were all covered with the cloud of selfishness. But that’s not all there is to it.

The man Evan, originally was a really clean person. (He shaves his nose-hair every day!). But since he followed God’s Word, he started giving up his manner, and became a hairy guy with shepherd’s outfit. Accept his work building the ark, everything else just messed up completely around him. Immediately I understood that was how “taking a cross” was! At the same time I realized though he sunk among all kinds of troubles and sufferings, it was Love that was given to him by Lord, and he was joyful.

The Faith was portrayed in a really simple but amazingly clear way. Whenever someone asked Evan: “What are you doing?”, he looked at them straightly and said: “I am building an ark.” Then people would ask him: “Why? What’d happen?” He would calmly reply: “The flood is coming.” Just look at his eyes at that time, we can see what the real Faith is, and how a faithful Christian is. Maybe he didn’t know, but his replies, just exactly as what God told him, were the most correct answers any human may get. It is the Wisdom that Lord gave his followers.

All the conflicts combined together at last, and caused the climax. Everything happened just as God’s Word. It is that how we receive or understand it. “The flood” did come, unpredictably through the collapsed dam, and though it wasn’t a real “flood”, it was huge enough to destroy anything. At that very moment, I thought that all the stupid people, who had been gathering around Evan just to mock and laugh at him, would be all gone with the water. But no, actually none of them died! They were all saved by the ark – all of them. It is Lord that forgave them, as well as us, the people who have been fighting and refusing Him at any single step. The answer of Evan, “He choose all of us.” was indeed true. And I was just an evil human, no thing to compare with His Grace.

How can we change the world? The answer was provided: “to build an Ark”, for ARK is any Act of Random Kindness.

The new Thanksgiving is coming. Thank you, O Lord, for all of your Giving and Forgiving also. Amen.

Being melted

Last week was a really hard time for me. It was the only time I had left, before the next semester gets started, which means, it was the only chance for me to prepare for my popping performance. It was pretty much clueless, since I gave up my previous music, and had to make up a brand new one. And I had to make a whole choreography also, despite the fact that I just started my popping career last summer.

Anyway, it invaded continuously my reading and writing time, which is inconsiderable. So I decided to fix it, by writing something about my trip to Montana last Christmas.

Well, as Mama Sukut said, I could only bring “a bag” to Bozeman, so the trip seemed not really fun for me in the beginning. But it was really good to see Mama Sukut and Paige again. The van was full of stuff for sure, but I still could – somehow – get in it, and the trip began.

The trip was long for sure, since we came from Missouri to Montana. (It means we had to go through about five other states – five big one – to get to Bozeman!). However, the trip wasn’t too boring. Instead, I got a really surprising night: I saw shooting stars! It was the first time I saw shooting star ever, and there wasn’t only few of them! Shooting stars appeared rapidly all over the sky. Paige tried making wishes, soon gave up after the third one. (That was good actually, because she was driving, and I don’t really appreciate if the driver just keeps wishing with their eyes closed.) I stayed awake for the whole night counting those stars. There were twenty something at least – really fun to watch.

After about twenty hours, we got home at 3 a.m. Everyone was sleeping in a new house. The house was really huge and nice. My little cute Holdie boy woke up, saw me, said “early” and continued to sleep. No offence but let’s think about this: The only two graduates came back to Petra from college were Juniper and me. When she came back to Petra, the whole school was standing outside waiting for her. When they saw her, they shouted and ran to her, gave her a big group-hug. Compare that with mine; mine was pretty lame, wasn’t it? Nah, never mind. I am simply just a black sheep. :)

My love to Montana was in Bozeman, in Lewistown, and a bit in Helena. This time I came back, there were sad news about Lewistown: Great grandma Vic and uncle Kevil had passed away. Yeah, I know I am just a stranger with out any bond, I did feel deeply sad. I missed the voice of great grandma, and even the smiles of uncle Kevin. Too much for a Christmas, and the loss was big enough for anyone to cry. “Men don’t cry”, but only in the surface.

Anyway, we got a good time there together. Mama Sukut looked younger than last year. Everyone suffers a lot in Petra, doesn’t he? Mr. Brian was nice and fun still.

My little cute Holdie boy had grown up a bit, still young enough to accept me, and to hang out with me well.

Chelsea was still as sweet and caring as ever. But she disappeared a lot, and I hardly saw her around.

Paige stayed home since Christmas, and I had a chance to know her better. She wasn’t too scary as I had thought. It was fun to talk with her.

Shadiah got taller (and bigger) a lot. She turned out to be a real girl in no time, still so cute and energetic.

And Titus was fine. It was good to see him again, and even better to be in “Titus night” every Tuesday.

It’s not ok if I don’t mention Ramington. Oh Ram, we are the only “unsukut” Sukuts, aren’t we? That’s why there are sympathy and caring in our bond. And you didn’t bark when you see me, right? Still remember me? Still don’t forget your companion?

Not only the family, Petra and the church were nice also. I was really glad when I saw “Malakie”, Mr. Baker’s new version. He was really energetic and friendly. He got his father’s smile also. Smile always, Malakie. You have no idea how important and valuable it is.

Mr. Koenen’s family was fine still. Tjabe was much bigger and taller and became more and more like his father. You don’t just be a fine Mr. Koenen, Tjabe. You even inherit your mother’s gentleness.

I really appreciate when I saw children grow up, but children only, not girls! Oh dear, all of the girls got taller too quickly, and made me feel bad for myself a lot. T_T You know what, Galadriel (I mean, uh, Rochelle)? You should stop being taller right now!

I was glad to meet my friends again. Richard, Kimberlee, Mark, Conner… it was really good to see you again. We had good times killing the Ring together. Memorable, weren’t they?

There was a new teacher who replaced Mr. Baker spot this year – Mr. Myers (hopefully I spell correctly.) He was a really interesting person who can get along easily with anyone. I enjoyed his classes a lot.

Ms. Amunrud was fun as usual (!), and her class was still kool. It recalled a lot of memories back...

Mr. V refused me to observe his class! Argh!!! Just kidding. He was more depressed and stressed than before. I wish you would be happier somehow, mister!

Oh yeah! There was a new girl in Pendragon named Madison. She was a pretty girl who kept making me surprised by her talents. I was so proud when I knew there was another person who could replace my spot. Great to know you, Madison.

…

Only when I have a chance to be in different places, I can recognize the differences, and the real values which I couldn’t see before. Oh Montana, the cold and dry place which covered by snow and ice! Since I put my love in the ice, I realized that whenever I stop I would be left behind. And the place, though so freezing, still melted me down by the warmth of gentleness.

Thank you all!